when your parents threaten to take your allowance away
are we just gonna not talk about soulless black-eyed family emoji
*concerned white parent voice* sweetie don’t write on yourself you can get ink poisoning
my school held a hunger games today and so the victor got to ride around with prinCIPAL EFFIE and i just couldn’t
why didnt my parents name me something cool like exodius or blue eyes white dragon
Yes, it does.
Guys get morning wood because our bladders fill up during the night and begin to press against our prostate, causing arousal. Our dicks don’t just feel the sun coming up and think “My time has come”
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” as a swear word
Synchronized waking up
*gets drivers license*
old person: looks like im gonna have to stay off the roads!
Why don’t astronauts just visit the sun at night?
um obviously because it will be too dark to see anything, there’s no point, also because the sun is trying to sleep we wouldn’t want to disturb it
my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out “Do you need to use the sleep?”
and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered
"Maybe i need to use the sleep"